But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They are going to name an STD after you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.