They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
