the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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