Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
