I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
