Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have tasted many bathrooms
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
