he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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