The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
