He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
