Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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