He kissed a someone with a penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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