you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
