this just has baby written all over it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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