He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
