he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
