i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.