Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.