Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄