dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.