we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?