my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito