Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize