i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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