I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
