sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
