i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
