Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
