So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
