I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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