im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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