i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
