he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
