Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
