Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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