you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
FUCK WHALES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
