Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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