he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
