ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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