running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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