Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
