If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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