My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
