Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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