She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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