The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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