I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
