She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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