im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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