i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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