I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
