i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
