he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
