you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
