i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please, let me fuck your mom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
