I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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