Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
