I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
