I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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