Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like, not good at living.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
