i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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