If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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