My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
