Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
