my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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