This is not my ceiling
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
