i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
